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Subject: How to keep a healthy level of insanity
From: Roberta Goodnow
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity...
- At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
- Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
- Insist that your e-mail address is:Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they wantfries with that.
- Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chairdancing.
- Put your trash can on your desk and label it "IN."
- Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
- Put decaffeinated in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once every one has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
- Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
- Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
- Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
- Don't use any punctuation
- As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
- Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them
one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)
- Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."
- Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
- Five days in advance tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
- Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.
- When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won! Third time this week!"
- When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
- Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do."
- Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
- Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"
Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to
you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
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