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Subject: Noun Genders
From: Lin, Charlotte

From the Washington Post Style Invitation in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice, and explain their reason.

The best submissions: SWISS ARMY KNIFE-male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS-female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

PENLIGHT-male, because it can be turned on very easily, but isn't very bright.

HAMMER-male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around and is good for killing spiders.

TIRE-male, because it goes bald and often is over- inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it. And, of course, there's the hot air part...

WEB PAGE-female, because it is always getting hit on.

SHOE-male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER-female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

ZIPLOC BAGS-male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SPONGES-female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

SUBWAY-male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS-female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

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