Subject: The Death of Common Sense
From: Bob Goodnow
Today I am mourning the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense, AKA C.S., lived a long life but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.
For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power over C.S. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, and life isn't always fair. C.S. lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids).
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great depression, and the Technological revolution C.S. survived cultural and educational trends including feminism, body piercing, whole language and "new math".
But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-It-OnIy-Helps-One-Person-lt's-Worth-lt" virus. In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal regulation. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and enlightened auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies, reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student.
Finally, C.S. lost his wiIl to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports. As the end neared, C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments, regarding questionable regulations for asbestos, low flow toilets, "smart" guns, the nurturing of Prohibition Laws and mandatory air bags.
Finally when told that the homeowners association restricted exterior furniture only to that which enhanced property values, he breathed his last.
C.S. was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers, Rights, Tolerance, and Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
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