Subject: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
From:
To show the opossum that it could be done.
THOMAS DE TORQUEMADA
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side."
That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken
is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple
as that.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads Without
having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us
that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the
president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law
enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing
our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the
chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme
to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff
intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates
fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted
to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any
congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are
investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev.
Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to
discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to
ruffle his feathers.)
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to
cross before you believe it?
FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken please?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the
"black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou
shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much
rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
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