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Subject: Witty Insults
From: Victor Schwartz

(Do you remember the "Hey, big nose!" scene in the Steve Martin movie "Roxanne"?

Well, next time you want to call someone stupid, be a bit wittier about it, and choose one of these phrases, alleged to be actual lines out of Military "Officer Efficiency Reports":

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

A room temperature IQ.

Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

A prime candidate for natural deselection.

Bright as Alaska in December.

Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

So dense, light bends around him.

If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.

Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

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